What is domestic abuse?

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Domestic abuse can be any incident or pattern or incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 years and over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.  This can include Forced marriage , So called Honour Based Abuse  and ritual abuse. 

This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse: 

Psychological - Psychological abuse, can be deeply damaging to an individual's mental and emotional well-being. Some examples can include:

Gaslighting

1. • This involves manipulating someone into questioning their own reality, memory, or perceptions. It often includes denying facts, lying, or making the victim doubt their sanity.

Isolation:

1. • The abuser deliberately isolates the victim from friends, family, and other support networks. This can include restricting communication, controlling social interactions, or physically preventing the victim from leaving the house.

Verbal Abuse:

1. • This includes name-calling, insults, constant criticism, and belittling comments aimed at undermining the victim's self-esteem and confidence. It can also involve yelling, swearing, and humiliating the victim in private or public.

Manipulation and Control:

1. • The abuser uses manipulative tactics to control the victim’s behaviour and decisions. This can involve guilt-tripping, playing the victim, using charm or threats, and exploiting the victim's vulnerabilities.

Emotional Blackmail:

1. • The abuser uses fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate the victim into doing what they want. This can involve threats of self-harm, harm to others, or the withdrawal of love and affection to control the victim’s actions.

Physical - Physical abuse involves intentional use of force that results in injury, pain, or impairment. Some examples can include:

Hitting and Slapping:

1. • This includes striking someone with an open hand or a fist, often causing bruising, cuts, or more severe injuries.

Kicking:

1. • Using the feet to strike, push, or inflict pain on the victim, which can lead to serious physical harm, including broken bones or internal injuries.

Choking and Strangulation:

1. • Applying pressure to someone's neck, either manually or with an object, restricting airflow and potentially causing unconsciousness or even death.

Burning:

1. • Inflicting burns on the victim using hot objects, liquids, or flames. This can cause severe physical pain, scarring, and long-term damage.

Restraining and Confinement:

1. • Forcibly holding someone down, tying them up, or locking them in a room or space against their will. This form of abuse often results in physical harm as well as severe psychological trauma.

Sexual - In domestic violence relationships involving young people, sexual abuse can take various forms, often influenced by the dynamics of power, control, and manipulation. Some examples can include:

Rape:

1. • This occurs when one partner forces the other into sexual activities without their consent during a date or within a dating relationship. It can involve physical force, threats, or incapacitation through substances like drugs or alcohol.

Sexual Coercion:

1. • This involves pressuring or manipulating a partner into unwanted sexual activities through persistent demands, emotional blackmail, threats to break up, or leveraging social status and peer pressure.

Digital Sexual Abuse:

1. • The abuser forces the victim to send explicit photos, videos, or engage in sexual activities over digital platforms. This can also include distributing intimate images without consent (revenge porn) or using digital means to harass and control the victim.

Unwanted Touching and Groping:

1. • Non-consensual physical contact, such as touching, groping, or kissing, often occurs without the victim's explicit consent and can happen in both private and public settings.
   • The abuser compels the victim to participate in the creation of pornographic material or forces them to watch pornography against their will. This can also involve distributing intimate images or videos without the victim's consent.

Forced Involvement in Pornography:

• The abuser compels the victim to participate in the creation of pornographic material or forces them to watch pornography against their will. This can also involve distributing intimate images or videos without the victim's consent.

Financial - Financial abuse in domestic abuse relationships involves controlling a victim's ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. Some examples can include:

Control Over Income and Expenses:

1. • The abuser takes complete control of the household finances, including the victim’s income. They may restrict access to bank accounts, monitor spending, and allocate an insufficient allowance, making the victim dependent on them for basic needs.

Employment Sabotage:

1. • The abuser interferes with the victim's ability to work or maintain employment. This can include preventing them from going to work, harassing them at their workplace, sabotaging job opportunities, or forcing them to quit their job.

Forcing Debt and Credit Ruin:

1. • The abuser may force the victim to take out loans, open credit accounts, or incur debts in their name, often without their consent. This can ruin the victim’s credit score and financial stability, making it harder for them to leave the relationship.

Exploitation of Assets and Resources:

1. • The abuser exploits the victim’s assets and resources for their own benefit. This can involve taking control of property, selling belongings without consent, or using the victim’s savings and retirement funds for personal use.

Preventing Financial Independence:

1. • The abuser deliberately prevents the victim from gaining financial independence by not allowing them to work, withholding access to educational opportunities, or not permitting them to manage their own money. This ensures the victim remains financially dependent on the abuser.

Emotional - Emotional abuse in domestic violence relationships involves behaviours that undermine a victim’s sense of self-worth and emotional well-being. Some examples can include:

Constant Criticism and Belittling:

1. • The abuser regularly demeans and criticizes the victim, often targeting their appearance, intelligence, abilities, or worth. This persistent negativity erodes the victim’s self-esteem and confidence.

Gaslighting:

1. • The abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own memory, perception, or sanity. This can involve denying past events, lying, or creating false narratives, making the victim question their reality.

Isolation:

1. • The abuser systematically isolates the victim from friends, family, and support networks. This can involve controlling their social interactions, limiting access to communication devices, or preventing them from leaving the house.

Emotional Manipulation and Guilt-Tripping:

1. • The abuser uses emotional manipulation to control the victim’s actions and decisions. This can include guilt-tripping, playing the victim, and exploiting the victim’s feelings of responsibility and obligation.

Threats and Intimidation:

1. • The abuser uses threats and intimidation to instil fear and compliance in the victim. This can involve threats of physical harm, harm to loved ones, destruction of property, or other forms of coercion designed to control the victim's behaviour.

Online and Digital - Online and digital abuse in domestic relationships, particularly among young people, can be especially damaging as it often intersects with their digital lives. Some examples can include:

Digital Monitoring and Stalking:

1. • Example: One partner demands access to the other's social media accounts, constantly checks their messages, and tracks their location through apps, leading to a loss of privacy and a feeling of being constantly watched.

Controlling Online Interactions:

1. • Example: A partner insists on knowing who the other is communicating with online, criticizes their friends, and restricts their interactions on social media, effectively isolating them from their support network.

Threatening to Share Private Content:

1. • Example: After a disagreement, one partner threatens to share intimate photos or videos of the other online if they don't comply with certain demands, using the fear of exposure as a means of control.

Public Shaming:

1. • Example: A partner posts humiliating or derogatory comments, photos, or videos about the other on social media, aiming to publicly shame and belittle them in front of their peers.

Manipulative Messaging:

1. • Example: One partner bombards the other with incessant texts and messages, ranging from declarations of love to threats and guilt-tripping, making it difficult for the recipient to break free from the emotional manipulation.

Controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Domestic abuse can affect people across society regardless of age, gender, race, sexuality, wealth and geography. 

If you are in a relationship that feels abusive, please consider reporting this to us.  It does not matter how long you have been in the relationship; it may be quite new; it is not about how long you have been together but what is happening within the relationship. 

If you are not sure if what is happening is ok, or not, you may find this link to warning signs helpful: Warning Signs | Equation.